The cautionary tale of Rupert and Rose

Rupert and Rose in real life were not as alliterative as I've made them.But Rupert has that
slightly effeminate boarding school feel about it and that's what the real Rupert was. Rose is
the casting department's name for the barmaid at the Dog and Duck or the Lodger and Landlady or whatever fanciful name you want to make up for a pub. One could imagine Rose in a 1960's Carry On movie if, of course ,one knew 1960's Carry On movies. She was innocently risque and ever so slightly common an impression fueled by her broad Solihul accent. To those who've never heard one imagine
a nasal drone with every vowel flat. Or better still imagine a female Ozzy Osbourne. Rupert was quite the BBC announcer and it was obvious on meeting them that Rose and Rupert were a match made by a blind deaf man with a pin. Rupert had come over with his bank and had rented a mansion in New Jersey and Rose was busy fitting it out so it looked like a 1920's council house in the industrial armpit of England from whence she came. Poor Rose.The job of decorating the castle was the only thing that came between her and throwing herself out of the window. She had no friends.She couldn't understand anything on TV and she would say loudly to anyone within a hundred yards that the food here tasted funny.Rupert was away on his travels quite a lot,ironically mostly to the UK. I met them through some Brit S.O.S. support group and remember thinking that she wasn't long for these shores. I next met them at a party they threw for no reason. The development since last was met was that Rose's Mum had come to stay and like some wizened and incomprehensible dowager duchess she occupied a wing of the house and supervised Rose.She too was deeply unhappy and the only alleviating factor was that Rupert had scads of money and so spending it was a kind of therapy.If I were a betting man which I'm not because I'm a losing man I'd have put money on Rupert packing Rose and Mum-in-law back to the jollity of England and setting himself up in bachelor digs with a harem of hotsie-totsies. The last time I went to their house it was Rupert who had gone,six feet under in fact thanks to an embolism. Rose was taken with a local plumber who had left his wife and moved into the mansion where he presumably learned to slurp his tea out of the saucer and eat shepherd's pie with chips. She was not only happy she was pregnant and the dowager was thrilled to bits and making plans. As they say a bit further North than Solihul `There's nowt as queer as folk' And it's true.